Suck on This Daily

Real fake news brought to you by William and Andrew Smith // Smith Bros.

Volume One

Want to hear the Smith Bros speak?

* Straight From the Mouth *

“These things are dope. LOL.”
– A. Lincoln, Illinois

“My throat felt like an erotic circus tent, filled with androgynous trapeze artists from Thailand.”
– Jeff from Office Logistics

“These Smith Brothers remind me of my first postman. He had neck whiskers and boy he could deliver.”
– Susan Newlin, St. Louis

“It’s obvious the Smith Brothers don’t know $%@#.”
– Will Sosa, New York, NY

“Smith Brothers saved my children from Wild Boars.”
– Louisa Dombrowsky, Buffalo, NY

“I once loaned the Smith Brothers a green turtleneck and they never gave it back. B*st*rds.”
– David Willinski, Sausageville, NY

Find Us at Your Local Rite Aid

      A Study of How the Smith Bros Saved the World

      How sucking on a Smith Brother has reformed our morals and led to an increase in population.

      Let it be known that we, brothers Andrew and William Smith, have greatly advanced American history through the invention of sucking one of our fine tasty marbles of delight – our Smith Brothers cough drop.

      We are America’s FIRST cough drop. And it is only through a mouthful of our luscious wild cherry, warm apple pie, or honey lemon flavored drops, that an ugly coughing man becomes vigorous, fit and chipper.

      Of course, everyone knows an individual that is erect in health and high-spirited inevitably remains a delight to society. Indeed, being of such condition fends off the moral temptations to put other things in your mouth, like a rat with typhoid or the dirty little hands of a small child.

      *   *   *

      You see, it is through resting our delectable treats in your throat, that we have thwarted rampant decline of American culture. Remember getting cholera? Probably not because…Smith Brothers. Remember when Ulysses S Grant suffered from the horrible plague? He didn’t. Because Smith Brothers.

      In contrast, had the cannibals of the Donner party an opportunity to indulge, rather, suck on a Smith Brother, they wouldn’t have had to swallow their own. Henceforth, many a man crossed the Rockies with the right consignments (a Smith Brother in his mouth) to further the success of Manifest Destiny. Smith Brothers. You’re welcome California.

      Therefore, it is clear, a learned man can appreciate the many reasons we Smith Brothers are synonymous with enhancing mankind. Sucking on a Smith Brother can be, and will be, directly equated to an increase in population. And THIS is why we trademarked our brilliant cough drops…to save mankind.

      Keep Sucking on a Smith Brothers America!


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      Site made to suck by Arthur Elliott